Mannerisms

The tubular Collider whizzes particles in both directions around its 27 kilometre circular tunnel getting them to collide with eachother to simulate the Big Bang which started the universe.

Worries that the switch-on would set up a reaction which would see the planet disappear instantaneously, have been taken so seriously by scientists that legal moves have been initiated to prevent the collider being switched on.

However CERN has now come up with a report authored by a body calling itself  'The Large Hadron Collider Safety Assessment Group' which finds: "According to the well-established properties of gravity, described by Einstein's relativity, it is impossible for microscopic black holes to be produced at the LHC. There are, however, some speculative theories that predict the production of such particles at the LHC. All these theories predict that these particles would disintegrate immediately. Black holes, therefore, would have no time to start accreting matter and to cause macroscopic effects."

Well you have to say that any report authored by a CERN committee is unlikely to declare its own Large Hadron Collider will extinguish the planet the month after next.

That would be like Alistair Campbell authoring a report to say that invading Iraq would cause the deaths of hundreds of thousands of people, years of chaos, and trillions of dollars without any final resolution in sight.

So how dodgy is CERN's dossier which concludes that the Large Hadron Collider "presents no danger and that there are no reasons for concern"?