Mannerisms

I can't tell you how I got this, or the real name of the CEO who wrote this diary, but it's an interesting insight into the daily routine of a serial CEO i.e. a CEO who is appointed by a company's investors and who typically goes from company to company as the CEO.  I have given him the pseudonym 'Ed'.

This is the fourth entry from the diary of Edward Rushbridger (a nom de plume to protect the owner's identity) which fell into my hands recently. Ed, a serial CEO, has been parachuted by venture capitalists into his latest company. He is, it seems, serially adept at putting his foot in it (see previous diary entries here, here and here).

Poor old Ed. I keep finding the most pitiable entries in his diary. Ed is a serial CEO who kept a diary which fell into my hands. In these published extracts I have given him the name Edward Rushbridger to protect his real identity. Ed seems to be having a rough old time of it after being parachuted into his latest company by the venture capitalist backers. Previous entries here, here, here and here document the trail of Ed's woes.

This is the third entry selected from the diary of Edward Rushbridger, (a nom de plume to protect the author) which fell into my hands recently. Previous entries can be found here and here. Ed is the type of CEO who goes from company to company at the behest of venture capitalists or private equity backers.

Ed is having a hellish time at his new company where he was parachuted into the CEO position by VCs. His diary, which fell into my hands recently, shows him lurching from humiliation to humiliation. In this entry, Ed goes out to meet a customer.

Ed has had a tough time gaining credibility since being imposed as CEO on  his latest company by the VC backers. His diary, which recently fell into my hands, shows that Ed decided to try and gain some respect by accepting an invitation to speak at an industry conference.

Ed has been imposed on his new company by the VC backers without the involvement of the directors, founders and management. Ed's brief is to prepare the company for an IPO. His diary, which recently came my way, reports Ed's early struggles as he tries to fit into his new environment.

Ed has struggled after being parchuted into his latest CEO position by VC backers who want to see a company spruced up for an IPO. In his diary, which recently came into my possession, I see he's pleased one day when the Chairman of his lead VC suggests they meet up for a round of golf.

Ed the serial CEO has been foisted on his new company by the VC backers who want Ed to dress up the company for its forthcoming IPO. Ed's diary, which recently came into my hands, shows Ed finding the situation less straightforward than he expected.

Ed is under pressure. The venture capitalist backers of his company, who put him in the CEO's chair, are demanding cuts in the R&D budget. The VCs are after maximising profitability before the IPO in about a year's time. However, the company's founders, who are on the board, are strongly against this.

'Oh dear', writes Ed in the diary entry immediately after his sacking of the CTO, 'today the analogue design team resigned.' 

Ed the Serial CEO has run into a spot of bother. After Ed sacked the CTO, the analogue IC design team resigned in protest, and Ed has to replace them, or see the company's new product programme compromised twelve months before the company's expected IPO.

Ed the Serial CEO  has had a pretty awful Christmas as his rellies quiz him on what he will do with the money he will make when his company IPOs, as planned, in 2010.

Ed the Serial CEO is looking forward to a brilliant year. At last, he reckons, he's going to make his pile. The company is scheduled to IPO during the year.

Ed's diary shows hi is starting the year feeling a bit bruised after getting a warning that some of the VCs might be getting disenchanted with him. However a pleasant chore awaits him.

Ed is feeling troubled since the sacking of company co-founder and CTO Pat Cook. It's not his conscience which is worrying him. It's not the loss of Pat's contribution to the business. It's not the bad feeling caused by forcing Pat out. And it's not even the brutal way the sacking was handled.

Ed is feeling he needs to do something to assert his authority. What better, he thinks, than to announce a product initiative? He calls the product managers to a meeting to announce his new strategic direction.

Ed the Serial CEO is happy to see that the orders are flooding in as the semiconductor market appears to be on an upwards trajectory. He is surprised to find that his product managers are only raising their orders for foundry silicon by 20-30%.

Ed The Serial CEO is scouring the company's accounts looking for costs he can cut out in order to make the company's figures look as good as possible for the impending IPO.

Ed the Serial CEO hits a problem. In this week's diary entry he discloses that he's just discovered that his shares don't fully vest until two years after the date proposed for the IPO.

Ed is looking to boost revenue ahead of his company's expected IPO. He's taken to going out to customers to see if there's any way he can persuade them to take more product.

Ed the Serial CEO is trying to generate some excitement about his company prior to the anticipated IPO towards the end of the year.

'After reading in the papers that Goldman Sachs regularly culls its bottom 10% performers, and remembering from Jack Welch's 'Straight from the Gut' that this was also the practice at GE, I decide this would be a useful discipline to bring to the company', writes Ed in his diary.

'At a meeting of semiconductor CEOs in Munich,' Ed confides to his diary, ' I meet a very switched on guy who told me he had a new kind of memory technology with ten year data retention and 100,000 write/erase cycles, and licenses were going very inexpensively because they needed a final tranche of development money.'

'Motivation. Leadership. Dynamism', confides Ed to his diary, 'this is what I bring to the company. I've developed a scheme to galvanise the sales team.'

'Trouble again', Ed confides to his diary, 'in order to cut down our admin costs, I started a dialogue with our biggest distributor about him taking on all our distribution business at a lower margin, while we cut out our other disties. Having to deal with only one distributor outlet means I can cut down on our HQ staff, while we retain a bigger percentage of the sales revenues.'

'We've got a really brilliant initiative coming off', Ed confides to his diary, 'we've had some fantastic contacts with the e-Reader people, which is a red hot market, and are designing a chip which will take a mega amount of cost out of the system.'

'As the IPO gets closer I don't want senior management to experience eye-off-the- ball syndrome', Ed writes in his diary, 'so I've decided that we need someone who can keep operations on an even keel while I, and some of the top management. look at what we need to do tart things up for the public offering.'

Ed is feeling rather chipper having run into an executive from a much larger company who tells him they could be interested in buying the company.

'To my amazement,' Ed writes in his diary, 'I find some people are getting what appears to be a second pay cheque.'

"Looking through our recurring costs I notice there's a monthly sum for catering'. Ed confides to his diary, 'it's not a lot, but since I never entertain on-site I wonder, who does?'

'At the general managers' meeting today, a thorny issue was raised', Ed writes in his diary, 'it turns out we've had a cease and desist order from a major competitor company, General Linear Corp.'

'Shortages, don't I love 'em', Ed confides to his diary, 'it's great having customers ring up begging for parts when the bastards are usually cancelling orders or trying to re-negotiate the price downwards.'

'The VCs are on at me again about sacking the marketing VP', writes Ed in his diary, 'they're always on at me about sacking the marketing VP. They don't understand our technology, our products or our markets but they think they understand about marketing - everyone thinks they understand about marketing.'

'Oh dear', Ed confides to his diary, 'I seem to have incurred a bill of £200,000 for banking services which the CFO is refusing to pay as unauthorised by the board.'

'Our vp of engineering stormed in first thing this morning. "The engineering staff are up in arms", he told me, "they're completely pissed off that their access to the IEEE's scientific and technical articles has been shut down."'

'It comes to my attention that we're being ripped off. Our chips are being faked and sold for a fraction of the price we sell them for. This requires immediate action', runs an entry in Ed's diary.

'Oh dear', Ed confides to his diary, 'a major problem has come up just when we don't need it - our foundry says we have to pay more for our wafers or wait longer for them.'

'With austerity being the order of the day, now is the chance to reduce costs', Ed writes in his diary, 'everyone seems to expect tough times. Cutting is part of the zeitgeist. If I can get some cost-cutting measures in place now it will increase our value at the IPO.'

'I'm in the dog-house - again', Ed confides to his diary, 'I was at a so-called "Cocktail Party Fiesta" following an industry conference  when a journo who seemed a nice affable interested type asked me what I'd be looking forward to after the IPO.'

'I see from the market analysts' reports that the analogue IC market is expected to grow at 30% this year, but our analogue orders are growing at less than a third of  that', Ed confides to his diary, 'the time has come for me to crack the whip.'

'Trouble', Ed writes in his diary entry, 'a customer has gone public saying that its production lines have stopped because we failed to deliver the whole of an order.'

'OMG it's all happening. The shit has hit the fan again', Ed tells his diary, 'we look like being delinquent on more orders because our assembly, packaging and test house has started to mess us around with short deliveries.'

'The Brats have been causing trouble again,' Ed writes in his diary.

'A friend of mine who's been through the IPO process as CEO lets me in on a wizzo wheeze where I could get round the 180 day lock-up provision in my contract stopping me cashing in my shares,' Ed confides to his diary.

'Phone call today from the Chairman of our lead VC company ', Ed writes in hi his diary, 'cheeky bugger tells me I need to get fit for the IPO roadshow and has booked me into his bloody gym - some swanky sweat-hole in Mayfair.

'Trouble. Several new product lines are delayed,' writes Ed in his diary,  I'm going to kick ass on this one. I'm calling a special general managers' meeting.

'A bit of a hoo-ha in the general managers' meeting today', Ed confides to his diary, 'the GM in charge of analogue asked: "Heard anything of Frank Bush lately?"'

'This is brutal', Ed confides to his diary, '70 presentations in three weeks for this dog and pony show and I'm already being taken apart by these bastards.'

'With a month to the IPO, and on the verge of embarking on the three week road show, I feel I should have a word with the staff,' Ed confides to his diary.

'I am now worth $10 million', Ed confides to his diary, 'the IPO went as planned. The VCs are happy. I have my fuck-off money.'

'We're going for it', Ed confides to his diary, 'it's good to be home after that bloody dog and pony show. What a royal pain in the arse. All those thin-lipped, cold-eyed jerks asking shitty questions aimed at screwing things up.'

'Here we go again - another week of  hell,' Ed writes in his diary, 'last week, traipsing round Europe and the Middle East doing 21 presentations in five days in eight cities; now it's the same thing all over again in America with 40 presentations in ten days before going over to Shanghai. and Tokyo'

'I'm 100% knackered', writes Ed in his diary, 'this afternoon I gave the presentation for the 50^th time which means there are 20 to go with a 12 hour flight to Shanghai on Thursday and then on to Tokyo before heading back to Blighty on Saturday. It's been an absolute bugger."

'No more Mr Nice Guy', writes Ed in his diary, 'that's my resolution for this new job I start tomorrow. Last time out I was too soft. I let that asshole Pat Cook stay far too long as CTO - and now he's off with my ex in the Maldives with half my share of the IPO money, half the value of my house, buying cocktails with  the money I pay the old bitch for maintenance. Well, once bitten, twice shy."

 Ed's diaries will return next week, February 21st, in the usual Monday afternoon slot.