Ed Shafts Harriet

‘The private dick I’ve put on Horrible Harriet has turned up trumps,’ writes Ed, ‘I’ think I’ve got enough on her to force her out,’ referring to the COO who the private equity owners of the company have appointed without Ed’s knowledge or say-so.

A few days later, the diary entry reads: ‘I’ve asked Harriet for an appointment. As usual she’s given me a date three weeks in advance just to show me who’s boss in the PE company’s scheme of things. She’ll be changing her tune soon – I can wait.’

Three weeks later, the diary entry reads:


‘”Saw Harriet today. After settling into the very low, and only, chair in her office which she seems to bring out just for me, I look up at her and say. “It’s not the fact that your husband is a cross-dresser or that you frequent a club which employs beefy young men in thongs to serve drinks, but the fact that you’ve used your company credit card to pay for entertaining said beefy young men at various South Coast hotels which will prove to be a concern for the board”.’


‘The sneer went off the bitch’s face PDQ,’ writes Ed, ‘she went as white as a sheet.  It was wonderful.’


‘Finally she croaked “Where’s your proof?”‘


‘I tossed a copy of the private dick’s report on her desk – photos and all. Harriet read it in horror. “If the board sees this . . . . .”


“You’ll be out of the company and the laughing stock of the industry,” I said, “and if the board sees it, it’ll be in the newspapers next day – you know how leaky those guys are – and that will be distressing for your children, Harriet”, I added,  injecting some false concern into my voice.’


‘”What can I do”, she asks – I know she’s beaten.’


‘”Resign of course,” I replied, “but there’s something else – I want you to secure Bob Tyrell’s promotion to COO,” (Bob Tyrrell is an industry mate of mine) “I don’t want to know how, and I don’t care how you do it, but the signal for me to destroy all this evidence rather than send it to the board, is the announcement from our PE owners that Bob is to take over as COO”.’


‘With that I get out of the chair, advance a threatening step towards her then turn and exit.’


‘It’s been a good month –  I’ve put in place some growth plans, and I’ve got rid of Horrible Harriet,’ writes Ed, ‘roll on my $25 mill.’



  1. Now that’s an interesting case, rupertg, HP having to pay out compensation to CNET journos for impersonating them to obtain personal records. I never saw how much the damages amounted to, and I certainly didn’t know the journos had given the money to charity. Good for them.

  2. Don’t be silly, David. When would a CEO use private investigators and dirty tricks to check out potential trouble? I would ask my pals on CNet in the US, but I think they’re still spending their compensation from HP…
    (actually, they gave it to charity. Bloody journos)

  3. That’s an interesting observation, chic, I bet old Ed’s poring over the Glasgow dirty tricks strategy as we speak.

  4. He may be able to pick up a few tricks from the shenanigans at Glasgow Rangers. Seems to be developing into an example of what happens if a PE raid doesn’t go according to plan.

  5. Yes he’s really showing some form, The Baron, didn’t know the bugger had it in him. I reckon he’s picked up some of this stuff from the shenanigans in the H-P boardroom.

  6. I know, George, Ed’s surprising us all with this show of spunkiness. What a devious b. he’s turning out to be.

  7. georgegrimes-ti-com.myopenid.com

    Just when I thought that Ed had been driven to his knees by “The Brats”, he jumps up and strikes a solid blow! There may be some fight left in the old boy after all.

  8. Wooo hooo! Go, Ed, go! Go, Ed, go!
    Ah, there’s nothing like a horrible old so-and-so putting one over on another. Only children crying after dropping their ice-cream brings a warmer glow to my heart; or maybe it’s my bowels – it’s somewhere below my neck anyway…
    You should write scripts for soap operas, Mr Manners; it might even tempt me to watch one. “EdEnders” or “Massaged num’s, PE” have a certain ring to them.

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