Ed Terminates The Cleaners

‘So far so good,’ Ed confides to his diary, ‘cutting back the switchboard operators and receptionists is saving a gratifying amount of money. Today I cancelled all the contracts for cleaning the offices.’

A few days later the diary entry reads.

‘General managers meeting this morning. As expected, some bright spark has noticed that the cleaners aren’t coming in any more and wants to know why.’

‘”I cancelled the contracts,’ I tell the GM, “we live in times of austerity in case you haven’t noticed”.’

‘”But who will clean the offices?” asked the GM.’

‘”Everyone is responsible for the area around their work-space. I want a report on the messiest people on each floor. If they’re on the report two weeks running disciplinary action will be taken”.’

‘”How about the wash-rooms?” asks the GM.’

“The most senior manager on each floor is responsible for finding someone to clean the washrooms on his floor,” I tell the GM, “if he can’t find anyone to clean them, he must clean them himself”.’

‘That causes a few sideways glances.’

‘”But the offices will become squalid if the carpets aren’t hoovered, the windows aren’t cleaned and the cups and spoons aren’t washed up.”  

‘”Just get on with it,” I tell them’

‘Of course the offices will get squalid but the investors at the IPO won’t see the offices,’ Ed confides to his diary, ‘roll on my $25 mill.’



  1. Yes, Dr Bob, I expect you’re right.

  2. As Ed is the highest he appoints the person below him who then appoints the one below and so on down the management food chain!

  3. Uber-assholes like Ed can’t even make a decent gesture, chj

  4. So… Ed cleans the wash rooms on his floor… maybe?

  5. It’s wonder Ed hasn’t applied the “plus any other duties” clause so common in employment contracts these days and then say that as the “other” duties are lower paid

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