The mobile phone market has become an on-going gladiatorial contest for the richest prize on the world’s industrial stage. Success propels companies into the ranks of the  world’s most valuable companies, in one case to become the world’s most valuable company, but uneasy lies the head that wears the crown – the reign of the champion is not long.

Round One saw Heavyweight Champion Mauler Mote the Schaumburg Slayer take on an unexpected challenger – Olaf  ‘The Oaf’ Nokemgougemnbatterem, the Espoo Exterminator.

Adopting the radical new ‘digital’ fighting technique, Olaf quickly ended Mauler Mote’s reign, consigning him to gladiatorial also-ran.


Round Two saw Olaf matched against another unexpected newcomer, the novice heavyweight Proper Job, the Cupertino Conqueror.


The Conqueror knocked The Oaf clear out of the ring in the second round by adopting another radical fighting technique known as ‘touch’. But his reign as Heavyweight Champion lasted only four years.


Round Three saw a determined challenge from a contender who had been in intensive training for the bout over a number of years – Scrapper Sammy the Seoul Slugger.


Once again Sammy showed that adopting a new fighting technique known as ‘five-inch’ won the day in a bruising contest in which The Conqueror appealed frequently and unsuccessfully to the referee.


Scrapper Sammy’s reign may be short. Limbering up for a title shot is ‘Battling Bear’ Bezos the Butcher of Seattle with a new fighting technique called ‘cheap’.


In view of their short tenure, champions are advised to clean up while they can. The message for the World Heavyweight Phone Champion is 400 years old:


Gather ye rosebuds while ye may

Old Time he is a’flying

And this same flower that smiles today

Tomorrow is a’dying.



  1. Yes Dr Bob, delusional champions are two a penny.

  2. The Cupertino Conqueror seems to think that a 200 year old poem seems to apply to it. One containing the line “Till a’ the seas gang dry”. Certainly the supporters club have taken it to heart.
    Enjoy your haggis!

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