A bloody, bloody awful day’, Ed notes in his diary, ‘it turns out that our esteemed sponsors – in other words the private equity shits who own this company – have appointed Bob to the Supervisory Board.’
‘I tried to get hold of Mr S. Litely Krazed, the CEO of our beloved sponsors, but I was fobbed off with A Brat,’ writes Ed, referring to the team of twenty-something year-old super-sharpies who monitor the company for its PE owners.
‘”What the hell do you mean by appointing Bob Tyrell to the Supervisory Board?” I asked him.
‘”The task of the Supervisory Board is to advise us, the Sponsors who own the company, of industry and company conditions which might affect our investment,” replied The Brat, “we are not experts in your industry. When industry issues arise we need to be able to refer to an impartial, trustworthy source of advice”.’
‘But why on earth Bob,” I tell him, “I sacked him. He hates me. How impartial and trustworthy is his advice going to be?”‘
‘”Bob has over 20 years experience in the semiconductor industry and has been COO of your company,” replies The Brat, “who knows more about the inside workings of your company, I should say our company, than Bob. We expect him to be a valuable source of advice for us in monitoring your progress”.’
‘Sinuous little shit, writes Ed.’
‘I tell The Brat: “I quite understand. I just hope that you will discount from his advice the animosity he bears me”.’
‘”I’m sure we’re quite capable of doing that,” replies The Brat smoothly, adding helpfully, “his animosity may motivate him to be a particularly assiduous commenter on your performance”.’
‘Shit, double shit, but what can I do about it?’ Ed confides to his diary, ‘roll on my $25 mill.’Tags: brat, hell, Private equity