Ed Fires The CTO

‘So far so good, I’ve got rid of three C-Class execs to appease The Brats. Now for No.4,” Ed confides to his diary, referring to the 20-something year-old super-sharpies who monitor his company for its private equity owners. The Brats have ordered obliging him to sack all the C-Class execs pour encourager les autres.


Ed has been picking them off in order of who’s easiest to fire in terms of going quietly.


‘I think it’s going to be the CTO next,’ writes Ed. ‘I’ve sacked a few CTOs – it’s quite easy – tell them you’re halving the R&D budget and they just walk out.’


A few days later, the diary entry reads:


‘Had the CTO in today. “Look” I told him, “times are tough, our sponsors (the pissy name we have to call our PE owners) have asked for savings, and it looks like we’re going to have to cut R&D among other areas”.’


‘”By how much?” asked the CTO.’


‘Here comes the grand flounce-out, I thought.’


‘”50%”, I tell him.’


‘To my immense surprise, the flounce-out didn’t happen. “Which projects do you suggest cutting?” was all the CTO replied.’


‘Bugger I thought. Hasn’t worked. What do I do now? Recovering quickly I told him: “Your project. You’re the highest cost salary in the R&D budget so you’re the first to go. Sorry to lose you. There won’t be a pay-off – our sponsors have seen to that. Sue them if you want but you’ll be wasting your time”.’


‘”It will destroy the company’s credibility in the industry,” said the CTO.’


‘”I don’t think so,” I told him, “from what I hear the industry thinks you’re a bit of a joke”. This was brutal but the guy had to go. His neck or mine.


‘To my embarrassment, tears welled up in the CTO’s eyes. “You utter bastard,” he said and walked out.’


‘Job done’, Ed tells his diary, ‘roll on my $25 mill.’

Tags: c class, equity owners, few days

Related Tech News


  1. Fred Dart
    September 21, 2012 17:10

    George – surely it’s not about size / volume – it’s what you do with it that counts …

  2. georgegrimes-ti-com.myopenid.com
    September 21, 2012 15:32

    I think that I would not feel particularly safe. Perhaps I possess a smaller “testicular volume” than Ed does.

  3. David Manners
    September 20, 2012 19:59

    I don’t know, George. Ed has to guess The Brats’ end-game correctly. At the moment he’s doing what they ask so I would assume he’s feeling safe – or as safe as anyone can feel working for private equity.

  4. georgegrimes-ti-com.myopenid.com
    September 20, 2012 19:37

    Has it occurred to Ed that after he fires all the other C-Class Execs, The Brats will only have to sully their hands ridding the company of one? (Though, perhaps, the slimiest!)

  5. Fred Dart
    September 17, 2012 14:40

    Could have been worse – might have got the same response as the CHRO ..

Share your knowledge - Leave a comment