Ed Has To Sack The C-Class Execs.
‘Bloody Brats’, writes Ed in his diary, referring to the 20-something year-old super-sharpies who monitor his company for its private equity owners, ‘they want me to sack all the C-class execs.’
‘”Why?” I asked The Brat when he rang up this morning, “they’re doing a pretty good job”.’
‘”We know that,” replies The Brat, but in the private equity business we don’t like to see execs get too cosy in their jobs, we like churn. It keeps the others on their toes and in lets in fresh aggressive blood – aspiring guys with a killer instinct”.’
‘”So we sack guys who are experienced and are doing a good job?” I asked.’
‘”You learn fast, Ed,” replies The Brat.
‘”Do you want me to sack them all at once?”‘
‘Are you being facetious? We take this seriously Ed. Take your time and sack them over a couple of quarters. And remember, no pay-offs.”‘
‘”What? Nothing at all.”‘
‘”If they get arsey tell them to read their contracts. Their contracts say they can be sacked at any time, for no cause, with no right to compensation and their unvested share options revert back to the company with no payment due to them. Get on with it, we expect to see the first one go within a week”.’
‘I’ve appointed these guys. I’ve motivated them. I’ve been to their homes. They’ve been to my home. But it’s them or me,’ Ed confides to his diary, ‘roll on my $25 mill.’Tags: brat, c class, contracts, execs, facetious