Ed Sacks the CIO

‘Eeny, meeny, miney, mo, which C-class exec is first to go?’ Ed doodles in his diary.

‘This is really silly,’ writes Ed, ‘as an exercise pour encourager les autres it’s destructive, wasteful and unnecessary. But The Brats have spoken and I must sacrifice the careers of my execs to save my own.’

The Brats is what Ed calls the 20-something year-old super-sharpies who monitor Ed’s company for its private equity owners. The Brats have told Ed to winkle out all his C-class execs in a routine private equity roustabout to keep the execs on their toes.

‘Trouble is, I appointed all these guys. They’re sort of like friends, or at least acquaintances, on the other hand I know what they’re like. I should be able to kick them out quite painlessly. Painlessly for me, that is’, writes Ed.

Next day’s entry reads: ‘First C-exec for the chop is going to be the CIO – the IT guy. Easy pickings. Total tosser. Mumbles incomprehensibly. Wet as a scrubber. He’ll go quietly.’

A couple of days later, the entry reads: ‘Had the CIO in today. “Have you thought of opportunities outside the company?” I asked him, ‘he looks as if he can’t understand the question.’

‘”No”, he says.’

‘”This is a very good time,” I tell him, “sky’s the limit for CIOs. You’ll have many more oportunities outside than you have here. There’s nowhere further for you to go here”.’

‘”You want me to leave?”‘ asked the CIO.’

‘”Well, in a nutshell, frankly, it would be the best thing for you”, I tell him.’

‘”And if I don’t want to leave?”‘

‘I shook my head. “I’m sorry”.’

‘To my enormous embarrassment a tear slid down one of the CIO’s cheeks. Then another tear slid down the other cheek. I actually felt pretty bad,’ writes Ed.

‘The CIO got up and went without a word.’

‘Wanker’, Ed confides to his diary, ‘roll on my $25 mill.’

Tags: cios, nutshell, Private equity, scrubber, sharpies

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3 Comments

  1. Terry
    August 22, 2012 08:40

    Sacking potential hackers is a risky business…..

  2. Outsider
    August 21, 2012 15:35

    I’m surprised it’s not the CHRO that gets the boot first. Waiting for next week…

  3. Sceptic
    August 21, 2012 11:18

    Ah – what I love about Ed. Just when you think he has a shred of humanity he sets us all straight. His final epithet – genius.
    Sceppers.

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