The Great Ecuadorean Escape

The Foreign Secretary has kindly offered us a brain-teaser to while away those sauvignon-soaked lunches in these pleasant late August days: How do the Ecuadoreans get Julian Assange out of the London embassy?

The best idea, presumably from an American, was to make Assange the Ecuadorean ambassador to the UK and then he can strut untouchable around London ‘annoying all the Brits’.

Another idea is for him to be winched from the embassy balcony by a helicopter and flown to an Ecuadorean ship  in international waters.

Another idea is to change him by extensive plastic surgery so he resembles the Ecuadorean ambassador. The surgery would have to be extensive because the Ecuadorean ambassador to the UK is a woman. The transgendered Assange could toddle off to Heathrow unmolested for the flight to Quito.

Assange could also acquire diplomatic immunity by being appointed an official Ecuadorean  embassy diplomatic courier. Or he could be appointed Ecuador’s representative to the UN which would also make him legally untouchable

If he could be smuggled into a diplomatic car he is safe from the UK fuzz and could be driven through the Eurotunnel to Switzerland.

Bookmakers Paddy Power are offering 25-1 against him tunnelling out, and 100-1 against his getting out by hot air balloon or by jet-pack.

The boring solution is to ship him out in the diplomatic bag, but no one seems to know for sure what the diplomatic bag actually is.

Well those are the best ones I’ve seen.

Tags: ambassador, diplomatic courier, hot air balloon, international waters, london embassy

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19 Comments

  1. David Manners
    August 28, 2012 14:35

    It stinks, Mr C

  2. Mr Cynical
    August 28, 2012 12:11

    So a girl invites you to her flat, she feeds and supplies you with alcohol, you both go to bed, sex happens consensually, (presumably it was nice) so in the morning whilst she still allegedly is asleep you repeat the nice feeling.
    This may be grossly simplified but I can’t see why there is so much of an expense to extradite him if the above is true?
    Some questions come to mind:-
    1) I have not seen that Sweden had publicly stated that they will not re-export him to the USA.
    2) Why do not the Swedish officials take up the offer and at least interview him?
    3) Why are we wasting so much of our public expenses (Police sentries) on what is a Swedish domestic issue? Surely there are much more serious crimes that this budget should be spent on?
    I’m sorry there is so much smoke about here there must be a fire, there is more to this than meets the eye, we all know it but cannot prove it.
    In the meantime I observe with interest our dickhead of a Foreign Secretary see if he can screw the situation up even more. Somehow I just get the feeling that Mrs Clinton’s fingerprints all over this fiasco?

  3. Fred Dart
    August 23, 2012 12:30

    They should send send someone disguised as Assange and drive him out openly sitting in the back of a diplomatic car just to see what happens. Would be most embarrassing if they grabbed the fake Assange..

  4. Fred Dart
    August 23, 2012 12:25

    Well, something involving “job” anyway ..

  5. David Manners
    August 22, 2012 17:58

    Even in this enlightened age, and even when there is no political pressure involved, I understand that false accusations have been known to have been brought, Mark.

  6. Mark Inskip
    August 22, 2012 16:48

    Was that a comment dragged up from ’50 years ago in Electronics Weekly’?

  7. David Manners
    August 22, 2012 12:11

    Well Mark I gather the girl asked Assange to dinner in her flat which, of course, excuses nothing but does raise a presumption of a possibility, but only a presumption of a possibility, of a put up job..

  8. Mark Inskip
    August 22, 2012 11:35

    Sweden (like the UK) is bound by EU and ECHR law not to extradite in circumstances where there is any risk of the death penalty or torture. There would be no extradition to the United States in such circumstances. Swedish government officials have repeated this publicly in recent weeks.
    As for the Swedes having a flaky legal case, what is the basis for this? There appears to be the ongoing myth that the allegation of rape would not be rape under English law. Well Assange’s legal team have argued this twice in the English courts, and twice the courts ruled that the allegation would also constitute rape under English law.

  9. David Manners
    August 21, 2012 13:58

    That’s a brilliant idea, Not Telling.

  10. David Manners
    August 21, 2012 13:48

    Couldn’t agree with you more Mr C. The USA and the Swedes only have to make categorical statements that there will be no extradition to the USA either sought or granted and the whole thing is sorted out. Yet they don’t. How telling is that?

  11. David Manners
    August 21, 2012 13:45

    I agree with all of that, sittingdown, he’s weird and an asshole but a lot of people who won our liberties have been weird assholes. And I agree the level of persecution is disproportionate – the Swedes have a flaky legal case so why are they pursuing this so keenly? And the Yanks have been upsetting a lot of people by claiming they can whisk citizens of other countries away to the USA to go through dubious legal processes. So I think Assange may be standing up for something quite important.

  12. Not Telling
    August 21, 2012 13:44

    If he can drive, can’t they make him official chauffeur to the Ambassador ?
    Surely then he’d be protected and could drive directly to the plane on the international side of the airfield :)

  13. sittingdown
    August 21, 2012 12:55

    You know David, Assange used to irritate me when he was releasing those political leaks. But in a country where freedom of speech is allowed then that had to be allowed, even if it irritates many people and many countries. But now I have a lot of sympathy for him. There is a high level of persecution against this guy. And the British Government is looking the fool for it, at least the politicians. As for the accusations against him from Sweden: if that obnox. MP from Bradford is right there is no case to answer. In fact Assange has a civil case against the Swedish authorities for deffamation and slander. I hope he gets out of the country as a free man.

  14. Mr Cynical
    August 21, 2012 11:34

    I also just cannot believe that the dumb twat (Mr M you have my permission to edit) called Hague who had threatened to remove diplomatic immunity. He needs removing from any position immediately. I must admit that when I hear his voice on TV the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.
    So much for Western Democracy I have not heard a credible reason why The UK and Sweden has not agreed to the request not to re-export him to the USA.
    There obviously is a lot of discussions and pressure from the USA that we are just not told? ….and we complain about China?

  15. Stooriefit
    August 20, 2012 20:10

    I like the idea of him becoming Equador’s UN representative… He could have a whale of a time in New York, New York annoying the Shermans and doing a Dominique Strauss-Kahn, if there are any grounds to his reputation in Sweden.

  16. David Manners
    August 20, 2012 12:31

    That would be rather magnificent [Anonymous] if only the Aussies played proper football, Assange might have been able to portray himself as a persecuted soccer fan and enlist a horde of footie supporters. Don’t think our boys in blue would relish taking them on.

  17. David Manners
    August 20, 2012 12:23

    I know, I know Dick, sorry but it’s such a laugh I couldn’t resist it. I expect the FO was caught by August-itis – everyone pushes off leaving an idiot in charge who threatens the Ecuadoreans with the storm-troopers. You couldn’t make it up.

  18. Anonymous
    August 20, 2012 09:36

    The most suiting end-game would be for the general populace to march on the embassy as in V for Vendetta and then accompany him to freedom.

  19. dick.selwood
    August 20, 2012 08:48

    Political jokes on a Mondy morning – flippin’ ‘eck David.

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