Ed Bones Up On WTO Rules

Gosh what a Hoo-Ha. Sensationalised accounts of  No.10 dinners don’t usually end up in the German press.

On the upside, Juncker’s united the country behind the PM for the General Election which means she’ll slaughter Jezza; and, on the downside, a victorious PM with a mandate will become even more insufferable in Cabinet.

For me it’s head-down time, suck up to Downing Street, generate loads of good-news post-Brexit stories, get up No.10’s arse and wedge myself well in.

I call in the Permanent Secretary.

“I need a briefing paper on what WTO rules will mean for the tech industry, the UK science base, inwardly investing tech companies and key science workers.”

“Certainly, Secretary of State,” says the PS, “may I ask why?”

“I’m concerned about a hard Brexit,” I tell him – which is a lie, because what I’m really concerned about is how to make a bob or two out of all the uncertainty that the Hard Brexit rhetoric is causing

“But, Secretary of State, all these aggressive statements from the Continentals and the PM are simply pre-negotiation politicians’ posturing,” says the PS. He has asubtle way of saying politicians with an almost undetectable sneer.

“That’s as maybe,” I tell him, “but I want to see that this Department knows what WTO rules mean if the negotiation goes tits up.”

“Very well, Secretary of State,” says the PS with that suggestion of a sigh which means he thinks it’s a fool’s errand.

What the PS doesn’t realise is that my hedgie chums will be able to use the info to take punts on the market volatility generated by a rancorous negotiation.

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